Bad bad Jaguar

Never before a monday night football was more worthy of its title. It’s monday for God’s sake, you worked today, you are going to work tomorrow, so why not throw a crappy football game in between? Here is the movie report for yesterday:

Title: Titans @ Jaguars – Worst show on Earth (turf)

Starring: Cousin Ed, Cousin Collins

Runtime: 42 minutes before you turn off your tv

Plot: A franchise desperate to sell tickets finally hosts a monday night game, get national attention, sell all tickets for probably the first time in team history. Then they blew it. Instead of giving the ball to one of the most exciting players on Earth (turf) MJD they hand it over to cousin David who gets hurt, then they give the ball to the new guy that no one likes, recently unemployed, cousin Ed. They lose 30-3, everyone goes home angry and sad and try to sell their jerseys on ebay to some teenager in Asia.

Bottom Line: No one is really disappointed. After this year’s draft when they had the chance to pick the most exciting player to ever play in the NCAA, Heisman winner, BCS champion, Tebow, who lived in Jacksonville and played for Florida Gators in Gainesville, 90 minutes away from Jacksonville. Why draft Tebow and sell more jerseys in a month than you did from 1995 to 2009? Its not like your franchise is dying or anything. There is no need. You can draft cousin Auau instead. Its ok.

I would love to read angry fan emails from Jacksonville but I’d be surprised if there’s still one out there. On the other hand, if you are a Florida Gator fan, and could have the chance to drive 90 minutes and see the best college player ever, the heart and soul of your team for the past 3 years, your personal hero, who would still give an emotional speech after a disappointing loss and clap his hands like an alligator after each Jaguars touchdown, but you cant, cause the Jaguars drafted cousin Abubu instead, send me an email, I feel your pain.

This is Cousin Paul, thanks for reading, come back soon and eat at my new restaurant chain TGTGIOAIF (Thank God The Game Is Over And Its Finally) Tuesday.

~ by tacklethespread on October 19, 2010.

One Response to “Bad bad Jaguar”

  1. I don’t buy the “draft Tebow” idea. I definitely think he helps them sell jerseys, but thats a short term cash grab if he doesn’t help them win. Winning puts fans in the seats.

    That said, Tyson Alualu was a really awful draft pick and wasn’t really oriented toward winning either. Yet somehow they put really good games together from time to time.

    I have just learned to never bother betting on a Jags game.

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